Real Parents: Attracting Your Teen

Think for a moment about your energy and the energy you exude as a parent.  What does your energy look like?  Are you tired, short tempered, frustrated or stressed out?  Would you describe yourself as a joyful parent?  Are you someone who is rested and full of energy, present and in the moment, even-tempered and calm? Who are you being most of the time and how does your energy attract or repel your teen?

 

To attract our teen we must realize that parenting is not about kids, it's about parents.  One of the greatest things you can do for your kids is learn to focus on yourself and your own well-being.  We must commit to taking care of ourselves on a physical, intellectual, spiritual and emotional level so we are a parent who feels “fueled” and filled up.

 

We’re caught up in a “high stakes fast paced world” and we just can’t do enough for our children.  We want them to be successful and we’ll do whatever it takes to help them.  We drive them from one activity to the next, watch their games, sign them up for the next activity, help them stay organized and …...  You know the drill.  It’s full of activity.  Busy, exhausting, joyful (if you can step out of the fear and self doubt and step into the moment).  Most of all it is tiring.  Notice how in this model we re focusing on our children first … taking responsibility for them instead of being responsible to them.  We love our children so much and we give so much that we burn ourselves out.  In this state of burnout, we get angry quicker, we feel resentment, we act with a level of intensity that repels our children.  And it is hard to be a parent.

 

Solution – Put your oxygen mask on first and take care of yourself so you can better care for your children and attract your children with positive energy.

 

Here are 3 simple steps you can take:

 

1.   Focus: Identify what’s most important to you and understand what you need and what “fills you up”.

2.   Plan and commit to it:  Schedule time in your calendar on purpose to get refueled.  Plan for it and learn how to manage your time to get it. 

3.   Allow yourself to have it!  Give yourself permission and free yourself from whatever it is that grips you or holds you back.

 

As a personal coach and mother of four children who are entering the preteen and teen years, I want to embrace these years with as much joy as possible.  I also want to be realistic and need to be gentle with myself.  Parenting won’t happen perfectly and sometimes it will be downright painful I suspect. The demands are more intellectual vs. physical.  Emotions pop up out of nowhere. I am disagreed with often.  They have opinions that differ from mine, they feel they are right, and their peers are the center of their universe. As parents, we know all of this, and yet when our children get there it feels awkward, frustrating and lonely.

 

I take comfort in knowing that I can choose who I am being and what I think.  I can live as a “Real Parent” and get comfortable sharing my vulnerable side.  I can let go of my overblown expectations, be gentle with myself, say no, and accept each one of the parents I meet with compassion.  It’s about the choices we make.  There’s no right or wrong answer when you’re working in the best interest of your children.  Start today!  Celebrate your unique, real parenting style and fuel yourself to be the best parent you can be.  It’s a choice and an attitude we must embrace.